


Crazy Science

by Partoetorno



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-23
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-12-18 23:18:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 3,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11884953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Partoetorno/pseuds/Partoetorno
Summary: Into their minds.Some brief one shots.





	1. But

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From season 1

Leekie told me it was vital that we discover more information on the clones.  
That we needed to know how many were there and how many of them did Cosima manage to contact...  
If she did...  
  
   
It is extremely important we don't lose a second more because their health and well being is our main concern.  
We need to find a cure before it is too late.  
   
But how can I possibly find out anything without alarming Cosima, and by not letting her know who I am?  
She is very intelligent but I can't believe she is still so oblivious when it comes to me.  
Does she suspect that I am her monitor or is she choosing not to see it?  
  
Cosima kissed me the last time we met.   
   
  
It was totally _unexpected._  
   
  
I thought she was going to tell me that she knew who I was.  
That we needed to talk about all the stupid thing “I am a new foreign student here and I wanted us to be friends.”  
  
But then she moved closer and kissed me.   
 

 

I didn't see this coming….why?  
 

 

Now that I know she clearly is interested in me in that sense, I could get what I am searching for, if I wanted too.  
 

 

But...  
 

Is this ethical?   
Is this right?  
If our goal is to do good, maybe I can tell myself that it is not right but it is necessary and I have to walk this path.  
 

 

But….  
 

I do not want to hurt Cosima or cause her any unnecessary emotional pain.  
She is…something…smart and beautiful and cheeky  and …   
 

 

And..  
that kiss really means _something_  
 

 

For sure I find it flattering, I mean, the fact that she is attracted to me... and thinks of me not just as a friend but something more...

but...

it is because truly I can't stop thinking about her.  
  


 

I _cannot stop thinking_ of Cosima that way.  
To imagine kissing her again.  
To imagine touching her or being touched by her.  
 

 

What can I do to stop daydreaming about her?  
 

This whole project is too important.  
We are talking about the future of humanity.    
Maybe a possible cure for cancer. 

 

  
I have to stop.  
And at the same time…. I am too involved already… I am too involved with Cosima.

   
Is this really happening to me?  
Have I fallen for her so easily or is it just the strange situation we find ourselves in?  
  
  
If I am honest with myself, I know I feel something.

  
This feeling is overwhelming.   
Something that pushes me dangerously toward her.

  
Something that I cannot control.

  
   
I wish I could stop it.  
  
And yet 

I don't want to.  
 


	2. Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From season 1

I am here. 

 

_Again._

 

I knocked on her door hesitatingly, with a sort of plan in mind;  
to clarify that I am not gay and that we can be friends if she wants.   
  


But….

 

I was not able to stick to the plan for more than 10 minutes…  
maybe less...

I blurted out such a bunch of idiotic nonsense...  
and then...  

  
  
**Then I kissed her.**

  
  
It was enough to be near her again,  
to look into those big brown eyes and breathe in her scent and suddenly all my self-doubts crumbled away in a blink of an eye.    
  
I was the one who kissed her this time.    
I confessed all to her, that I cannot stop thinking about our kiss.  

 

Why wasn't I able to keep it to myself ?  

 

I....I really I am not that kind of person who falls in love instantly.  
I do not believe in love at first sight. It never happened to me before...    
  
  
  
**_Before_ Cosima.  **  
  


  
_Why can't I resist her?_    
  


  
She is changing everything.  
She is a miracle.   
And I am in love. 

  
Yes, I am a liar and I'm helplessly in love.  

  
  
I did not want it.  
I couldn't imagine it.    
  
But I am.  
  
And I have to face it.  
And live with it.    
  


And what happens from now on is in my hands...    
  


To go on with this, with the lying...  
or to find another plan.  


	3. Nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From season 1

She is incredibly sweet to me.

She touches me with such skilled hands and I can't get enough of her kisses.

 

We undressed each other and everything happens as it feels natural to me to be this way.

 

All goes smoothly, as we were meant to have this moment together from the very beginning.

  

And it does not look like anything that I felt before.

Nothing compares to this.

 

To _her._

 

Her lips trace millions of different paths over my skin.

Her fingers seem to know perfectly the right place to tease.

 

She listens to my every need and whispers hot things into my ears and says sweet things to me to ease the situation.

 

She is patient, playful and eager all at the same time.

 

She is desperate for my mouth, hands and skin to cover every single millimetre of her body.

 

It seems I am all that she wants.

That she really desires me like no one ever before in her entire life.

 

 _I've never met such a person_.

So passionate.

So able to give all of herself with no shame or fear.

 

I've never encountered such a person who is able to make me feel so comfortable in my own skin. With her body, with my body.

 

I've never met someone that I hungered for until I met her.

 

I am lost.

 

 

Totally.

 


	4. After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From season 1

I feel so good. 

So good and so bad all at the same time.... 

so guilty...  

 

All these emotions, the whole situation is overwhelming.  
So much so, that I couldn't stop my tears.  
And I had to invent another shitty lie. 

That I cry after sex.  
With boys too....

While all I wanted to say was....

it has been so special.  
So beautiful.  
And I have strong feelings for you....    
  


**But I could not.**  
  


So I lied and asked for ice cream.   
  
And again she was incredibly sweet and went out in search for some.    
Because I need some time alone.  
  
I need time to gain some control again over myself and do what is necessary.    
To find proof.  
To find evidence that she knows what she is.  
To find out who she has been in contact with and the names of the other clones.     
  


**I need to do this.**

Because she is in danger.  
Because she may become ill at any moment.  
Because we need to find a cure for the clones disease....

 

and we have seen so much dying among them.  

 

Yes, we cannot lose  
a  
moment  
more.  


	5. Strong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From season 1

_Merde..._

 

I was able to find a bag, hidden on a shelf behind some books... and inside... inside there was all of Cosima's discoveries...

 

 _Shit.._.

 

She knows it.   
She is a self aware clone... and she managed to get in contact with other ones...   
And what is worst...

 

**KIRA**

 

Sarah Manning has a daughter....

 

Oh my God.   
This is..   
this is totally huge... it is an anomaly... it is something incredible... A discovery like this is .....

 

But...

I can't tell this to Leeky.

She is a little girl and I want to help Cosima and the other names are necessary but... I am not going to sell out Cosima to DYAD or Aldous. I do not want to put her in danger and I know she will never forgive me.   
  
Yes... forgiveness...  
if Cosima should ever find out who I am...   
  
I... I cannot lose her.   
No I cannot. 

I must obey the orders that I've received. But... but I need to outwit my superiors.   
To say just enough that they believe me but not too much to put Cosima totally in their hands...

 

Oh my...

I need to stay focused.

To think.

 

To be stronger than ever.


	6. Power

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Season 1

When she returned from the shop with the ice cream, I was still sitting at her desk but all the paperwork was back in the bag and once again hidden on the shelf as if nothing happened. As if I don't have any knowledge of her secrets.

 

<Hello! You are back>.

I say, as I'm rising from my chair and helping her off with her coat.

 

<Too many people at the store>, she says.

I wonder if someone from DYAD purposely caused the disruption that delayed Cosima's return.

 

<Merci Cosima>

I say, while taking from her cold fingers the famous Eskimo Pies to eat.

 

<You won't regret a single bite of it>.

She tells me, taking my hand and leading me to the bed.

 

<It is cold. Get under the sheet> she suggests.

 

I look into her dark eyes and I wonder what is on her mind.

She smiles at me and we eat silently.

 

<This is really really good>

I show my earnest appreciation and she is happy that I enjoyed it.

She liked that we shared this little pleasure together.

 

Then she gets dangerously closer to me and puts her lips over my lips.

I feel her fingers stroking my face and her kiss deepens more every second.

She stops to look at me.

 

<Do you have to leave or... can you stay a bit longer?>

She waits for my answer, uncertain if I wanted to stay with her.

 

I can stay.

 

My gaze is already lost on her eyes and her soft lips.

I cannot believe the power she has over me.

 

<If you are not sure.... if you want to think about what is happening...>

She seems so fragile right now. But I know she is not.

 

<I want to stay>

I state.

 

Because, yes, I could leave but the thing is I really don't want too.

 

<You have something in mind?...>

I ask and I feel the electricity in the air.

 

<I think I have something...>

She grins widely.

<But it's a game for two>

<Well... I am in...>

I cannot help but answer.

 

And I know I will totally lose myself in this game.  
And I know that it isn't a game anymore.

 

But I don't care...

or maybe

 

I already care too much.


	7. Addicted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Season 1

I feel like I am drugged.

Like if I am addicted.

 

To her.

 

I've searched for her in the lab. I've kissed her in front of Scott. She was so happy to see me. Or, at least she seemed to be happy. I mean... that huge smile should be a hint...

 

And tonight we will see each other again.

 

 

She is happy when we spend time together and I've never been so much in love.

 

I will take with me the truffles that I promised her.

 

And then we can have dinner and take a walk or... or just make love.

 

All night long.

 

Oh my.

 

With her it is so easy to forget everything.

 

To forget who I am and that I am lying to her.

 

It is too easy to feel happy.

 


	8. It showed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> season 1

She knows.

She discovered everything and she is furious.

 

Everything about me, about DYAD, about the fact that I told Aldous about the other clones... the other clones that she calls sisters.

 

I knew it.

I knew this was coming. 

That all the crappy lies were going to emerge.

But,

now that it's happening, I still don't know how to act.

 

What to say.

 

 

I try to apologize.

 

I try to apologize for everything.

 

And I also try to explain.

 

Try to make her believe me.

 

Try to make her believe that I want to help her. Because I know the clones are in danger. They are getting sicker. And I don't want her getting sick...or if it happens I wanna be with her.

 

But still I cannot say this to her....

 

And so...

So she is full of rage.

She is packing.

She is running away.

 

As if running away could help.

 

"Please Cosima…"

 

I beg her to listen.

 

"I told Leeky about the clones but not about Kira".

 

She looks at me full of anger.

 

And I feel so bad.

 

"I fell for you".

Yes. I tell her that I love her and that I've lied to her but for a good reason.

 

But she can't believe me.

 

She can't believe a person like me... a person that betrayed her so much. 

 

"You are the first woman I've ever been in a relationship with, that I've slept with".

 

I confess. To make her understand that it was all true, that with her I went too far, that it wasn't a game,that I've exposed myself totally and putting myself into her hands... 

 

"It showed"

 

She says.

 

To hurt me.

To make me feel smaller than I already feel.

 

To make me go away.

 

 

OK.

 

She cannot listen right now.

 

But she will.

 

I take my jacket and I leave the room. I can hear her crying.

And I am crying too.

 

 

But I know that she feels something for me.

And I am sure she had felt my love.

 

I am not going to surrender.

 

This is not the end.


	9. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Season 2
> 
> Thanks to my super BETA Roxanne!!!

I've spent all day searching for Cosima...  
Trying to figure out where she may be and using all my  
connections at the DYAD to reach her... I hope this won't cost me too much...

And now I am standing in front of the door and a young man is making sassy remarks about me.  
And I know that I deserve his bitterness...

He's Cosima's friend and he probably knows everything.  
Maybe more than I know?

He's finally gone, leaving Cosima and me all alone in his apartment.  
I know this is my only chance.  
My only chance to connect again with Cosima.  
To make her believe me.

I sat down beside her on the big sofa.  
She is working on her genome.

I apologize again and tell her that I know Leeky is a liar.  
I tell her that I am on her side now.  
Totally on her side.  
I want to be able to help her.  
I want that we fight together against the plans of Dyad...

_Will Cosima believe me?_

  
Well, **I know she really wants to.**  
That she needs to believe me.  
That she needs someone to trust.  
Someone to hold onto, while going through this big messy and shitty chaos we are all in...

I try to softly caress her neck but she shifts uncomfortably and tells me not to do it.

But even if she is fighting me, I know that it's only because she is still pissed off with me for what I've done...  
But I can feel that she still cares.  
That she still wants to talk to me.

 _And she does._  
Finally, she does.

She starts to explain to me what she has discovered while studying her own genome.  
She confesses her doubts and searches for confirmation in order to continue in finding a solution.

So we start again to talk and to work together.  
She allows me to help.

We are back to our past habits.  
We are again making this crazy science together.  
Side by side.

This is challenging.  
This is exhilarating.  
This is what we are meant to be doing.

Me and her.  
I know this is just the beginning.  
But we can do it.  
We can start again.

Together.


	10. Own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Season 2

We did it!  
We decoded Cosima's genome.  
It helped that I knew Cosima's ID number. 

I know it by heart...

I remember well, because that is how I got to know Cosima before ... really know her as a person.  
I read her biography many times when I was learning about her life.  
Her previous monitor.  
Her degrees.  
Her clinical records.

It is 324B21.

It is firmly imprinted on my mind and nothing and no one could possibly erase it from my brain.  
Now more than ever.  
Now that I know who this number belongs too.

We decoded the message.  
And she is angry.  
And she is scared.  
And she is sad.

"I am their property...my body..my mind... everything!"

I look at her.  
She is on the verge of exploding.  
She sees no solutions.  
No way to escape this nightmare.

And this is my duty:  
to make her feel better.  
To give her hope.  
To make her feel strong again.

"You cannot let them win"

She shakes her head.

"I'm their intellectual property.  
They made me sick.  
There is nothing that is mine!"

She paces back and forward.  
I could hear the tears in her voice. 

"Hey! You have me!!"  
I try to reach her but I know by her facial expression that she despises me now.

"You? You lied to me all the time."

It hurts.

I know what I have done.  
But still...

"I am sorry", I say

"But I want to promise you something. "  
She lets me take her hand and places it on my chest.  
So I can make this promise more sacred.

"I will always protect you."

She looks at me and at our entwined fingers.  
She is trying to understand.  
She is trying to appraise me to see if I am worthy of her trust again.

"They own me".  
She whispers.

"No! They don't own you".

She doesn't want to listen to me.

So I step forward and start kissing her.  
I kiss her face.  
Her lips.  
Her cheeks.  
I kiss every millimetres of her skin.  
And I understand how much I have missed this.  
How I would miss this if she didn't let me kiss her anymore.  
I knew I would die without her.  
I knew I would die for her.

"No they don't!  
Not your intellect.  
Not your integrity.  
Not your humour".

She repeats my words.  
Not daring to believe me.  
No daring to hope. 

But she has to.  
She needs to fight.  
To defy them.

They will not win.  
You can't let them, Cosima.  
I won't let them win!


	11. Oxygen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Season 2

She is tired.  
She is a ghost of the Cosima I know.  
She is crying and with quivering lips, she confesses to me.  
She is sick.

I am speechless.  
I am so scared myself that I don't know what to say.  
So I take her into my arms.  
I do not know if I am doing this to comfort her or comfort myself.  
Losing myself in her smell and her warm contact.

And I do not know how?  
But we start to kiss. 

She clings to me like I am a life preserver.  
Like oxygen for life.  
And we kiss and we touch and we caress as we find ourselves on Felix 's bed and even if this is not really me I do not care about it right now. I do not care that he may come back now and walk in on us half naked.

All I care about is having Cosima here with me.

To feel her passion again.  
To love her with all my being.  
With all the desperate love I feel.

All I want to do is make her feel good.  
To make her smile again.

While we lose ourselves in each others mouths.  
And fingers.  
And legs.

In every centimetres of our skin.

All that I care about  
Is  
Here  
With  
Me

**Author's Note:**

> Some brief one shots so say thank you for this show and for all the wonderful stories have read in this fandom. Thank you for your creativity and commitment to this couple :)
> 
> I say thanks to my lovely beta Roxanne :)


End file.
